


the frightening truth about desire

by extemporally (hidebehindtrees)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-13
Updated: 2012-08-13
Packaged: 2017-11-12 01:20:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/485079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hidebehindtrees/pseuds/extemporally
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for <a href="http://catchmelike.livejournal.com/1656625.html?thread=12937009#t12937009">this prompt</a> at Girl Direction Fic Fest: Five times they saw each other naked and one time it was on purpose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the frightening truth about desire

**Author's Note:**

  * For [harriet_vane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/harriet_vane/gifts).



Really, she should have been surprised that it hadn't already happened. Despite sharing a house all through X Factor, they'd been really good at keeping to themselves then. Of course the boys went around shirtless all the time but that didn't really count.

Liam was going to get into the shower and had just got all her clothes off when the door was seized open before she had anything to say about it at all and a voice demanded, 'Liam, have you seen my -'

It was Louis, and they both shrieked at each other a little, eyes wide. 

'Why are you _naked_?' he demanded.

'What do you mean, why am I naked? It's my hotel room, of course I'm naked!'

'Yeah, but -'

'Louis, do you really want to duke this out now?'

'Er - no,' Louis said, eyes still wide. He was blushing - blushing! - wildly, and it was incredibly obvious that he was trying not to look anywhere but her face, but largely failing. Liam darted into the bathroom and grabbed the fluffy white hotel bathrobe off the hook on the door, and put it on. Calmer, she came out into the room again.

'What was it you were looking for?'

'I - I've forgotten,' Louis said. 'Really sorry about that, mate. All my fault. I'll never - I'll never. Um. I should go. Sorry.'

Liam dimpled. 'Bye, Louis,' she said, waggling her fingers at him as he ducked out the room and closed the door. She could hear his footsteps fade away down the corridor. He sounded like he was running.

Once Louis had gone Liam cracked up and couldn't stop laughing. Her brain kept replaying Louis' shocked red face and his awkwardness, and his 'sorry's. For some reason she felt... powerful? And smug. Giggling with confused hilarity, she went into the bathroom and turned the shower on. 

\---

'Lad.'

'Lad.'

'Lad.'

'Chicken.'

'Can we get pizza now?' Niall said, already bored by Harry and Louis' scintillating back and forth.

'You just had pizza three hours ago,' Zayn pointed out mildly, looking up from the remote.

'Yeah, _three hours ago._ I think that speaks for itself.'

'Not yet,' Harry said over his shoulder. 'Louis and I are playing lad chicken.'

'This is the stupidest game ever,' Liam said, but she didn't move.

'Watch ya' hyperbole,' Louis said, and said to Harry, 'Chicken.'

'What?' Zayn said, his brow furrowing.

Liam sighed. 'He means exaggeration.'

'Gay chicken,' Harry said.

Liam tried not to perk up too noticeably.

Louis winked. 'Harry, you're never going to win that one.'

'You're not gay, you're bisexual,' Harry protested. 'Also, I bet I could beat you even with that handicap.'

'This just turned really interesting,' Zayn whispered in Liam's ear. Liam tried not to fidget when his breath hit her earlobe. Just friends, just friends, she reminded herself. Just _friends_ , god.

Louis's eyes narrowed. 'Oh, you're on.'

They didn't say anything for a while, and Liam thought they were just trying to psych each other out until she saw that their heads were noticeably closer than they had been. There was space for, maybe, a small apple, between their mouths.

'I'm going to win this,' Louis said, through gritted teeth. 'You know this, right?'

'Explain your answer,' Harry said, like he was trying to keep his lips from moving.

'I don't want to snog my best friend,' Louis said, 'But I will if it's for a point of honour. And I'm not actively repulsed by the idea of kissing another guy.'

Harry gasped, but remembered himself in time and didn't recoil. ' _I'm not repulsed by men kissing!_ ' he said indignantly. 'How dare you - anyway you're just trying to psych me.'

'Am I?' Louis said, and moved his head just that half-inch closer. 

Liam looked at Zayn and he grinned at her: small, private. It said, _look at these losers._ It wasn't hard to return that smile, bright and easy, but it was a lot harder to ignore the feel of his thigh pressing against hers. 

'Can we go for pizza, for real?' Niall said plaintively.

'Shut up, Niall,' Harry and Louis chorused. Now it was an apple's-slice of distance between their faces, and Liam found herself holding her breath. Slowly, slowly...

'Oh, for god's sake,' Niall muttered, disgusted, and darted over to Harry and pantsed him. 

Harry wasn't wearing any boxers. As he struggled to pulls his jeans up, everyone else collapsed into hilarity.

'Oh, for god's _sake!_ ' Harry shrieked.

'My eyes, my _eyes!_ ' Niall screamed. 'Harry I thought I could count on you to at least wear underwear - ALL I WANTED WAS PIZZA-'

'You're certainly not getting it now,' Harry hissed, pulling his jeans up. 

'Oh, you are,' Louis said, recovering himself. 'Niall, you're my favourite.'

'I have no idea if that means Harry or Louis won gay chicken,' Liam said thoughtfully. 

'It doesn't matter,' Louis said. 'Either way, Harry _loses at life._ '

\---

A lot of the time Liam privately thought drinking was silly and getting drunk was silly at best, and dangerously life-threatening at worst. She didn't really understand why the boys liked getting drunk, but they did, and Liam was getting used to it and actively trying to be less judgmental these days. 

Sometimes it made her feel kind of left out when they went out and got really smashed.

They'd asked her to sneak out to the club with them, and most of the time Liam was up for dancing even if she wasn't up for drinking, but tonight she'd shook her head no, because she needed the time to decompress and write an email to her mum. She didn't feel so bad about wigging out, either, because both Harry and Niall had said no, too, and in the end it was just Louis and Zayn.

It was just past two in the morning when she heard them coming back - a dull sort of thump that sounded like someone was being shoved into the wall, a pause, low speech, and a sharp bark of laughter before a _shush_ , 'Jesus, don't wake Liam' and then an exchange in a voice so hushed that no matter how she strained to hear she couldn't understand it. 

_I'm glad they're back safe_ , she told herself sternly, even if it did make her feel kind of left out and lonely. She turned around and tried to go to sleep.

\---

They were all really used to wandering into each other's rooms, anyway. In the morning Liam woke up still kind of blue for reasons she couldn't begin to understand and feeling impatient with herself for it, so she thought she'd ask Zayn if he wanted to get breakfast, and hell if he was hungover.

They all gave out spare keycards to each others' rooms, when they were in hotels, that was how Louis caught her naked that one time, and this time Liam had Zayn's.

'So do you want to get breakfast or -' she said, before realising that she'd walked into a compromising situation. 'Er,' she said.

One of them had kicked the comforter off and it lay sulkily on the floor. On the bed, Louis and Zayn were cuddling, which wasn't unusual, and they were naked, which was... more unusual.

'Er,' Liam said.

Zayn cracked an eye open sleepily. 'Eh?' he said.

Liam watched in horror as Louis made a protesting noise and began to stir. He opened his eyes. 'Liam?'

'Um, never mind,' Liam gabbled. 'I'll just get breakfast myself, and I'll - let myself out. Er, now, maybe.'

She let the door swing shut behind her and bolted down the corridor. Her brain wasn't quite sure if it wanted to purge the incident from it completely or keep replaying the image of both of their muscled, smooth bodies spooned together - 

'Ugh!' Liam said out loud, and jabbed at the lift button vindictively. 'I'm not thinking about that.'

'What aren't you thinking about?' Niall said, popping up from nowhere.

Liam jumped. 'Christ, Niall, you gave me a shock,' she said, putting a hand on her heart. 'Um, nothing.'

'You can't not think about nothing,' Niall said. 

'Whatever,' Liam said.

'Fine,' Niall said. 'Hey, do you want to get breakfast?'

\---

The next time they saw her, which was shortly after breakfast, Louis and Zayn acted normally and continued to act normally. If by 'normally', one meant that they were even more touchy around each other than usual, and more exclusively. It was as if they'd been drawn into their own exclusive sphere within the already highly-exclusive sphere that was One Direction. And surprisingly, it wasn't awful. It was just... nice.

'Get a _room_ ,' Harry took to saying.

The more confusing part was how they wouldn't stop touching her either. Zayn would drop a hand on her shoulder from behind as she sat on the sofa and then turn to give Louis a peck on the mouth, or Louis would lie in her lap without ceasing to hold hands with Zayn. That was confusing, and worse than confusing, it would make Liam flush red and these spiky feelings of jealousy and want draw tight in her stomach. God, Liam was a terrible person and she was going to hell.

'So you know right,' Liam said, on entering the lounge and seeing only Harry there.

'Yes, I know,' Harry said absently, still frowning at his phone.

Liam tsked. 'You don't even know what I have to say yet!'

'Well then say it.'

'This is really awful,' Liam warned him.

'Well, of course it is,' Harry said. He was still not looking at her. 'Out with it.'

'Well when you don't know if you want to be someone or be _with_ someone?'

That got Harry's attention at last; or maybe he just happened to finish his text that very moment. Either way he put his phone away and looked at her. 'Not really,' he said. 'But go on.'

'Well it's just really confusing,' Liam said.

'The frightening truth about desire,' Harry said stentoriously. 'I don't know if I want to be her, fuck her, or borrow her clothes.'

There was a pause. 'Are you trying to tell me something about your relationship with Caroline?' Liam said cautiously.

Harry sighed. ' _No_ ,' he said. 'I was quoting. A poem. By a lesbian poet.'

'I'm not lesbian!' Liam said. That was, like, the opposite of her problems. 'Not that there's anything wrong with being lesbian,' she said hastily, and Harry beamed at her. 'I mean. It's just. That's not my problem.'

'Well then what is your problem?' Harry said.

'I...' Liam hesitated before deciding it would be best to get it all out. 'Louis and Zayn hooked up,' she said finally.

'Yeah,' Harry said.

'I don't know why it feels weird,' Liam said. 'But, that is just the most confusing thing ever. And I'm not mad even though I should be. I mean, that was just selfish. Because the dynamics of One Direction-'

'Oh, it's got nothing to do with that,' Harry interrupted. 'Please, lovey.' He had an irritating habit of calling people lovey these days. 

'You can't tell me what my feelings are!' Liam protested, feeling wrong-footed. 

'Can't I?' said Harry sardonically. Liam got the confused impression that he knew exactly what her feelings were, far more clearly than she knew them herself, and had very little patience with any of it. It was terrible.

'Harry,' Liam said.

'Liam.'

'You're not much help.'

'Aren't I?' Harry said. Liam scowled and he softened. 'You need to figure this one out by yourself, m'afraid. But you're clever. It's _incredibly obvious._ You'll be enlightened soon.'

His phone beeped and he started typing away furiously.

Disgusted, Liam got up and turned to leave. 'Fat lot of help you are,' she said to him as she walked out. 

'You don't need help!' Harry yelled, still not looking up.

\---

Harry was the world's worst advice-giver (mostly because he didn't give any advice, per se), and also, a huge meddling meddler.

'Here,' the next time he walked into Louis' room and they were all there, 'I made you a gift.' He extended a piece of folded paper towards Zayn & Louis.

Louis unfolded it. Harry'd cut out Zayn's and Louis's heads from a magazine and pasted it on top of stick bodies which are doing... vaguely pornographic things to each other. 'What the hell, man, Harry, mate.' 

Harry looked defensive. 'It's a congratulatory gift!'

Liam broke out into giggles and Zayn snorted. He was _still_ , godamnit, holding her hand. 'Not bad, mate,' he said. 'Though the perspective's off.'

Niall took a look. 'Harry, mate, aren't you missing some-' Without missing a beat, Harry tackled him to the ground and slapped his hand over Niall's mouth. Niall struggled and _mm-mmph_ ed indignantly a lot, but Harry didn't let go.

'Some clothing, maybe?' Liam suggested lightly. Although she was starting to get that clothing was very much not the point of this drawing. Their penises - the only parts of their bodies that were _not_ stick - are coloured in in orange. 

Niall looks at her and blinked, then went limp against Harry's restraint. 

'Zayn, have a look,' Louis said. 'He's drawn mine bigger than yours. I knew you'd deliver, Hazza. Best friends forever.' Harry let go of Niall to receive the high five. Niall sagged to the floor, still gazing at Liam confusedly. 

'I told you the perspective was off,' Zayn countered, smiling at Louis. He squeezed Liam's shoulder. 'Eh, Liam?'

Liam didn't say _why are you asking me?_ She was beginning to get a vague idea - it was still a hypothesis that needed testing, but the possibility warmed her. 'I'm not taking sides,' she said instead.

'Good old Liam,' Harry said, and looked at her, his eyebrow arched. _You needed help, eh?_ his expression said.

'Er,' Liam said. What _on earth_. 'Good job, I guess.'

\---

The thing was, knowing and doing were two very different things. Liam began to relax into their touches a little more, but neither of them did anything else, and now that Harry had planted the idea in Liam's head the expectation of it was raising her hackles, a little. 

Sighing, Liam headed into the lounge and stopped short. Louis and Zayn were there - making out, but not doing more, thank god. 'Um,' she said.

Zayn pulled back. 'Hey, Liam,' he said.

Louis waggled his fingers at her. 'C'mere,' he said.

'Er,' she said, looking at the both of them, 'Am I interrupting?'

'I don't think you could interrupt if you wanted to,' Louis said. 'Come over here and cuddle.'

Liam wasn't a fool; she wasn't going to turn that down. Sighing, she kicked off her shoes and sat in the space the two of them had made for her over on the couch. Louis laid his head on her lap, and she patted his hair absently and smiled at Zayn.

'What's up?' she said.

Zayn was still smiling at her. How was it possible to be sweet and sullen and mysterious all at the same time? Zayn had it down pat. Liam leaned in closer, and because the moment seemed to demand it, very deliberately switched off all the parts of her that was saying it might not be a brilliant idea to do this to her bandmate as his boyfriend was lying in her lap...

Zayn kissed back. One of his hands came up to cradle her face, and he kissed her back with more intent than she thought possible for an ambush, and licked the seam of her mouth so her lips parted. They kissed again, and Liam leaned forward as far as she could with the heavy weight lying in her lap -

'Wow,' Louis said, beneath her, and she came back to her senses and scrambled away.

'Um,' Liam said. Oh, _shoot._ 'I'm so sorry -'

Louis, too, sat upright. 'Don't be,' he said, and shuffled closer to her. 'We wanted - we didn't know how to bring this up, is all.' He looked terribly awkward; it struck Liam for the first time that she wasn't the only one who was falling in headfirst. 'Can I?'

Liam nodded, and he leaned in and kissed her, gently at first, then ferociously, and Liam gave as good as she got. 

'Zayn,' she said, when they parted again, 'Close the door. I mean lock it.' Zayn got up in a hurry and tripped over his legs as he nearly ran to the door, and Louis burst into laughter and had to bury his face in Liam's shoulder. 

'It's not that funny,' Zayn scowled.

'It sort of was,' Liam assured him, before pulling away from Louis. She took her t-shirt off and Louis stopped laughing. Both their eyes widened. 

'Can I -?' Zayn said, reaching at her, and Liam couldn't help smirking. She reached around the back to undo the hooks.

'Here's something for you to laugh at,' she said.

\---

Liam blamed the fact that she had been dozing. The jiggling at the door didn't disturb her; she thought surely they'd never be able to get in. Neither Zayn nor Louis stirred, either, which was her cue to pretend she didn't hear anything, either, and continue curling up on the floor between the both of them.

The door clicked open.

'Aha, gotcha _arrrrgh_!'

Liam and Louis scrambled awake and saw Niall fleeing down the corridor. 

'It was _locked_ for a reason, wanker!' Louis yelled.

'My _eyes_!' Niall shouted back over his shoulder, sounding close to tears. 'You all owe me a pizza each now!'

As soon as he was gone an embarrassed silence settled over the room.

'That was awkward,' Liam said. 

Zayn kissed her.

'Well,' Louis said. He beamed at the both of them. 'Well, at least we know none of them will be hanging around here for a while?'

**Author's Note:**

> Title from [poem of the same name](http://www.daphnegottlieb.com/poems/desire.html).


End file.
